has been for quite sometimes...

hey ppl, woah has been quite sometimes.. a year passed. woah! n im getting hitched! well i need to change a bit of the layout. current layout looked sad, dark.. NO More. Im happy girl now! keep up with the new layout soon. gonna do it at home. now at work-.-.

Evanescence - The last song I'm wasting on you

sparkling gray, thru my own veins
any more than a whisper, any sudden movement of my heart
and i know, i know i'll have to watch them pass away
juz get thru this day

give up ur way, u cud be anything
give up my way and lose myself, not today
that's too much guilt to pay

sickened in the sun you dare tell me you love me
but u held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
honey, you know, you know i'd never hurt you that way
youre juz so pretty in ur pain

give up my way and i cud be anything
i'll make my own way
without ur senseless hate, hate, hate, hate

so run, run, run
and hate me, if it feels good
i cant hear your screams anymore

you lied to me but im older now
and im noy buying baby
demanding my response
dont bother breaking the door down i found my way out

and you'll never hurt me again.

hate my life.

hey people...after so long i didnt update my blog. 2 mths i guess. alot of things happened. new work is fine. but tonite i never feel so low as much as tonite. wateva people had said bout me either good or bad.. i never actually care or take it seriously. wateva people sees me in their eyes.. either good or bad.. dun really bother me. but one person. only one person cud bring down all my ego..all my careless.. from being high i can juz go low. how strong his words is cud make me cry all night... cud give a slap on my face.. cud wake me up from my dream. it juz too strong. and it kills me at times. juz his words. he doesnt need to slap me..beat me.. struggle me. juz his words..i cud die from that. right now..im speechless. feeling low..unwanted. guilty.lost and fucked up. that's all people. gd nite.

If i were a Boy.

I dun really like Beyonce.. but this song the one she's featuring with i dunnoe who... really hook on my ear. the lyrics so meaningful..like thinking how will it be to be a boy if u r girl and treat the girl rite.. and how will it be to be a girl if u r boy and treat the boy rite.. hmmm..i noe this song was out for so long.. dah basi.. i wish i were a boy.. really.. so i cud understand how my man always think and feel bout me. i wish to understand..but being girl it always hard to get it rite. i wish to trust.. but the past really kills my mind. till now...ive not yet get over it. It's hard. really. if only man cud understand. shud i say im having trauma symptom? or Fobia? i dunnoe. i need to get my mind rite.. straight..healthy.. i wanna fill up my times with anything that cud make me and my man happy.. i wanna be happy with the man i loved. i wanna make him happy being with me. and the most i wanna forget bout the bad memories. everything. haiz....

the girl said:
"If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man.
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed"

the boy said:
"If I were a girl
I don't think I'd understand
How it feels to love a boy
I swear I'd be a better woman.
I'd listen to him
Cause I don't know everything.
I would always try to tell em
That he needs to treat me better
Like I don't got to change at all."


Both said:
"But you're just a boy
And you're just a girl
You don't understand
Yeah you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
And you don't listen to him
You don't care how it hurts
You don't care how I feel
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
And you're just a girl"



hmmmm...dont be boy and dont be girl lar.. be in the center..", hehehe

a NeW dAy.. a NeW Life.. a FresH sTart.

started my orientation today.. well okay", can say their management was well done. the trainer was fun.. but after lunch was one draggy moment... felt very damn sleepy.. lucky love was there to entertain with my smses.. was all alone there.. no frenz yet.. dont really into bout finding frenz.. if they gd to me..ill be good to em. hmmm.alot of intern n attachment from polys and higher level also...so alot of yPs.. 'young peeps'..felt like back to school. cant wait for the real moment.. i can sense my work scope gonna be hectic..n im all out for it!!

and..yeah today..0103..mark 7 yrs journey of me with him. this 0103...will always be forever.. i love u and thanks for always be there for me.